Discovering Whose Turn It Is

Having a specific process relating to the order of taking a turn can be very healing and empowering. For some people, becoming aware of their turn, stating aloud that it might be their turn and claiming their turn is a large part of taking a turn. It is helpful to ask, "Who knows it's NOT their turn?" You may also just ask participants to check inside and notice which of these statements, or something similar, best fits for them right now: It's not my turn. It might be my turn. It is my turn.

This process clears the way for the person to have full support during their turn. It may take some negotiation among the members for everyone to agree to support someone. Sometimes there are safety issues that arise and need to be addressed. This can be a very sensitive process and it is always beneficial. It is important not to rush as it is a vital part of each participant's turn and the process itself often leads right into the work.

The rationale for the practice of claiming one's turn is that many of us rarely had our needs acknowledged in our families and many had to fight to have a turn. Many experienced painful situations at school in being chosen last or not at all. When the group has reached consensus about whose turn it is, that person goes around the group and claims their turn, saying to each group member, "It's my turn" and listening to the statement of support that follows. It is very important that the womb surround be safe and that the person beginning their work feels fully supported. Claiming a turn facilitates this.

Individual sessions happen in turn until every one has experienced one. Each session is usually about two hours, though they can be as short as 90 minutes or as long as several hours. See below for more notes about individual sessions.

Every morning after the initial beginning, have each participant check in, make a brief statement about how they are feeling and if they think it might be their turn. Rounds serve a number of obvious purposes. First, rounds give each member another experience of speaking, expressing their experience and being heard within the group. Each time anyone shares in a group it helps the group cohesiveness. As the therapist, it helps you assess the tenor of the group: who might be on the edge and need extra support, who has unfinished feelings, who might be ready to work next.

It is also helpful to have everyone do a brief check-in before leaving for the night so that you can again assess where everyone is. If time is limited, even having each person say one word or one phrase will be beneficial to them, to you and to the group. This is also part of naming beginnings and endings, creating transitions and orienting to the next activity.

After all participants have worked, give each an opportunity to check for unfinished business. Encourage them to be brief as you are gaining closure, not opening to more work.

Encourage participants to make arrangements to check in with at least one other person in the group during the next week. It is not necessary to talk about the work. Just hearing the voice of someone who shared in the process can be very supportive of continued integration.

Make sure each person is well-oriented, grounded and able to drive if necessary.

If there is anyone who might need follow-up therapy, encourage them to make an appointment with their local therapist right away, or make arrangements for them to call you within the next few days.

Let them know things will continue to emerge. Integration takes time. Suggest that they move a bit more slowly and, if possible, ease back into their ordinary life. Encourage participants to drink lots of water, take a hot bath, do things that feel nurturing, make time to be alone, journal or do art work in the next few days. Transitions may need more time.

Help them learn about going home. It is always good to give thanks and support to those who made their attendance possible.